Can Love Really Conquer All?
by Nina.4444
Summary: She'd finally found happiness, found peace after an exhausting journey. But her fight for love was far from over as was his. Can they make it through? Can love really conquer all?
1. Chapter 1

**Can love really conquer all?**

**Chapter one**

**She'd finally found happiness, found peace after an exhausting journey. But her fight for love was far from over as was his. Can they make it through? Can love really conquer all?**

_"My night has become a sunny dawn because of you"_

Her eyes slowly flickered open after a long, sound sleep and she tilted her head up slightly when she felt hot breath on her neck. Peering up she took in his defined, chiselled jaw and couldn't help the small smile that formed on her lips as she snuggled back down in his arms that were snaked around her body completely content. It had been their twelfth date. 'official date anyway'. Somehow he'd managed to get her to go out on eleven dates and agree to another one. She wasn't sure how he'd done it but then again if anyone was going to it would be him.

He'd managed to break through the every wall she'd ever built up around her heart through her life, he'd knocked through every one of them drawing her closer, sneaking into her heart when she least expected it until suddenly she felt at a hollow loss without him.

It had been the happiest two months of her life. It had all started when she'd offered him her couch after he had been whining about his newest place all morning. It had started off as a joke but when he asked her if she was serious she had nodded and that night found herself pulling out spare blankets and pillows for her senior agent who sat on a stool half way through the chinese they had picked up on the way to hers, laughing at their conversation.

It had been easy. Easy conversation, easy laughter, easy silence. Easy to know she wasn't coming home to a lonely, silent house each night. And it was especially easy to fall for him as she had quickly found herself doing.

It was the little things. The way he always managed to get up before her during the week and make her breakfast letting her get as much of a sleep in as she could. It was the way that he would collect the paper from her lawn in the mornings and hand her half of it as they ate. The way that they both sped towards work searching in their mirrors for each others familiar cars and laughing at each other over their speaker phones as they attempted to win their daily race to work. The way he would pick up bread, milk and even toilet paper when they needed it or accompanied her to the shops on the weekends pushing the trolley, the way he complained about the mess she made in her own house.

It was the little things that made it so easy to live with him. The things that made it so easy to fall for him.

And she had. She had fallen for G Callen.

**I know I know another new story :D ...but it's how I write ...I start a heap of stories and work on them together..i'm sure you guys can tell I'm a real organised person haha..**

**Anywho love to know what you think about this one! So please throw me a review!**

**Thanks,**

**Nina xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Can love really conquer all?**

**Chapter 2:**

He watched her sneaking up the side of the house towards where he was hiding and he could feel a tugging in his heart that he always got looking at her. A second later her eyes connected with his and he smirked at her causing her to roll her eyes lowering her gun slightly. When she covertly peeked into the window and nodded towards him he moved towards her until he was no more than a step in front of her. He glanced in the window and quickly confirmed sight of their murderer, and a few of his buddies. He followed Kensi back around to the front of the house while Deeks and Sam entered from the back. All of their voices echoed around the room,

"NCIS DROP YOUR WEAPONS, FEDERAL AGENTS PUT THE GUN DOWN"

Whatever they said though it worked because the men were quick to surrender and they handcuffed a guy each. As Kensi fastened the cuffs clipping them into place and began to lead her guy forward he looked backwards to the other guys,

"Well you lot go the rough end of the deal hey" he said and the other three agents watched the man's eyes run over Kensi. Callen pushed his guy forward feeling a wave of anger wash over him.

_He never used to be the jealous kind. _

It had been a long day and as they piled back into their cars all Callen wanted to do was head home.

_Home._ He couldn't help the smile that played on his lips for several seconds as he thought of his new home. It was the longest amount of time he'd ever stayed in one place. And wanted to.

But it was the best place he'd ever stayed.

He knew there had always been something there with Kensi. Between them. From the moment he'd watched her walk into the bar with poise and confidence in a tight black dress ready to make a deal with a drug dealer on her first case he'd felt something. Of course he'd never acknowledged it again, never thought anything of it.

He'd ignored the tug in his heart every time she got hurt as well as every time Sam asked her about a date from the night before.

But after she'd offered him a place to stay he found that all the feelings he'd pushed away and ignored came tumbling back. They had slipped into a routine easily but it was only when Callen found himself wanting the days at work to end faster that he realised exactly what he had been feeling.

The three months he had been living with her had been amazing. Blissful, comfortable, exciting, passionate, content and a hundred thousand more things. But it was easy, easy to live with Kensi, easy to love Kensi. Very easy to love Kensi.

It was a thousand things. He loved that she fit against his body so perfectly and more so that she seemed to enjoy being there. He loved that if they were going anywhere but work that she'd fight him for the keys every time. He loved the fact that every single Sunday morning she would go with him to his sisters grave and together they would replace the flowers that they had put their the week before. He loved that she would do it even when he couldn't whether he was away undercover or had been called into the office. He loved the fact that he had found the way to avoid Kensi's usual morning grumpiness (at having to get up early) and so every morning he would kiss her awake before the harsh sounds of her alarm clock could waken her and grin when she would stretch out in bed and smile sleepily up at him. He loved that her hands which carried guns and broke noses everyday fit into his larger ones so rightly as it would when they made their usual walks along the beach, his favourite place. He loved that for the first time in his life he knew what it was to truly love and have a home to go to at night.

It was those things and a thousand more that made it so easy to love her.

And he did. He loved Kensi Blye.

* * *

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But no matter how much he loved her. No matter how much he cared for her. No matter how worried he was every time they would go into the field together. No matter how much he loved being in love with Kensi there was still that other feeling that would torture him day in day out.

It was a different feeling one that he hadn't been able to put a name to yet and one that wasn't easy and wasn't comfortable. But every time he smiled at her, every time he would meet her eyes, touch her, kiss her, hold her. Every single time he would feel it.

He would push it away refusing to acknowledge it. Knowing that it threatened his happiness, their happiness and that wasn't something that he was willing to risk.

But somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that it was growing stronger. He knew that as he and Kensi were growing closer it was growing stronger and harder to ignore.

**That's it for this one...**

**Please, please review! **

**It would really mean the world at the moment as I'm finding myself stuck with a lot of my stories...well not stuck but unmotivated maybe? I don't know but anywho would love to know what you guys think!  
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**Thanks for reading,**

**Nina xx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Can love really conquer all?**

**Chapter 3**

_**If you love me only in my dreams, let me asleep forever...**_

Kensi sighed wearily at the bathroom sink before she quickly turned to dry her hands on the towel. After leaving the bathroom she padded back down the long hall of the silent house. It was completely dark but she made her journey by memory. They were agents after all they had to know how to do this stuff.

As she lay back down in the bed sliding back under the blankets she observed the lump on the other side of the bed that was illuminated just enough by the moon for her to see. She slid further over in the bed and slid an arm around her husband's waist. She normally didn't get that far when getting into bed usually she would have already been swept into his arms. But he didn't move and she sighed knowing she couldn't lie like that. Pushing away the feeling in her chest she slowly pulled her hand back and rolled over back to her _side. _She wasn't exactly sure when they had ever had _sides _of the bed.

Something was wrong...she knew that. Something was seriously wrong.

She didn't know what had happened, she had no idea. All she did know is that something was going on with Callen. It wasn't sudden it had been going on for a while. She wasn't entirely sure when it had started and she was kicking herself for not taking more time to notice it.

Not that it had ever been a problem before. Whatever _it_ was. But now something had changed and now it was starting to affect them. It was little things, things that people probably wouldn't notice, but things that she noticed. They were big things to her.

Like for example what was bothering her now. She was so used to sleeping in his arms, against his chest, tangled up in him in the middle of their bed. They would spend their nights wrapped up in each other. In fact since they had gotten together apart from the few times either of them had been undercover she couldn't remember a night that they hadn't slept together.

But together together. Not like now. Not on opposite sides of the same bed. She was so used to waking up in his arms in the morning. As the sun would rise they'd waken to find themselves wrapped up in each other. Sure they'd go back to sleep and he'd sneak out of bed to make her breakfast every time without waking her up. But now she found herself waking up earlier and waking up alone. The first time it had happened she had been distracted by him placing a gourmet breakfast on the table for them. But it had been over a week and a half without a peaceful morning wake up.

It would be at work where he no longer would grin cheekily and sneak a kiss when he thought nobody was looking. They had burst into laughter one day after exiting Hetty's office when she gave them a non too subtle warning about office policy. She'd pushed G back into a storage room as they'd rounded the corner her lips firmly attached to his as he pushed the door shut with his foot laughing into her mouth.

There were other things. The fact that they didn't make their lazy weekend trips to the store or that he wouldn't surprise her with flowers he knew she hated. He wouldn't have fights with her about who was going to drive. He wouldn't kiss her awake in the morning or goodnight at night. He would spend longer at the office leaving her to go home by herself.

She wondered if Sam had noticed, maybe Hetty perhaps Nate's trained eyes had noticed G's strange behaviour. Then again she couldn't help but get the feeling it was just with her that he was acting weirdly. She had run the events of the past few weeks through her mind trying to find something she had done. Anything that had happened that could have upset him. And each time she came up with nothing. He wasn't G, he wasn't her outgoing, determine, quick witted, passionate Agent G Callen. He was ...distracted almost. He was shut off. From her. And Kensi was determined to find out what it was. She knew it was troubling him but they'd always taken things on together and always got through them so she wasn't entirely sure why it was now he was pulling away.

Little did the younger agent know that she was very shortly about to get her answer. She closed her eyes trying to shut her brain off. She didn't want to think anymore. All she wanted to do was sleep. And dream. Her dreams were nice. Her dreams were still full of a loving Callen, a loving husband who had disappeared. She sighed feeling her eyes well up but refused to let them fall.

She wondered what he dreamed of...She wondered if she made it in there because he had been plaguing hers.

When Kensi woke up her body jolted her awake and thankfully out of a nightmare. She was drenched in sweat and as she sat up leaning back onher hands her chest rose and fell heavily. Hearing a noise to her right Kensi's head snapped sideways only to find that apparently it wasn't only her having a nightmare.

She sighed, this never happened anymore. She'd used to get them all the time horrible dreams of things from being held hostage to there being no breakfast burritos left to Callen leaving her or dying or...whatever but they were never nice. Her father, Jack, Dom they were all frequent visitors in her nightmares. She knew Callen got them as well but after a week of sleeping in the same bed as Callen she realised they were gone or at least lessening. She was even happier to find that his were as well. Callen had said that they were each other's cures.

As she reached to wake Callen she froze,

"Lisa"

She froze.

She stopped thinking.

She stopped breathing.

She stopped moving.

Had he really...

"Lisa" the word slipped out of Callen's lips for the second time.

**You know what time it issss! **

**Reviewing time!**

**Hehe no please do let me know what you think of the chapter. It would be greatly appreciated!**

**OH and I just thought I should let you all know that this is going to be a looong story. I've just finished the plan of it and ..well it's long...and some of its not very happy buuuuut I do love my happy endings so I hope you guys stick with me!**

**Thanks Nina xx**


	4. Chapter 4

**Can love really conquer all?**

Kensi Blye lay in her bed, with Callen silent, immobile, in shock. Her eyes welled without permission and before she knew it two tears slipped silently down her face. When Kensi finally managed to force her body to work with her brain she carefully pushed the blankets back and slipped out of bed. It was only then, as the cold hit her that the last few moments caught up with her and she darted from the room.

Without actually running Kensi scampered down the hall as quietly as possible until she had barricaded herself in the bathroom she'd only left several minutes ago. She locked the door and then leant against the back of it breathing heavily. She clutched her throat which seemed to have closed over when another tear fell and she slid down the wall to the hard, cold, tiled floor. The agent drew her knees up to her chest and protectively wrapped her arms tightly around herself.

_Lisa_

She slapped a hand over her mouth not letting the sob that threatened to burst from her throat get out. She felt her breathing fasten and even more tears overcome her making her lean forward until her head rested on her knees. She scrunched her eyes closed in an attempt to avoid more tears and stop her breathing from swirling out of control as she began to hyperventilate. She could hear his voice, hear him muttering her name over and over in her head. Her name on his lips.

_Lisa_

Was this why Callen had been acting strangely? Was it? Was he...

She shook her head. There was no way. He wouldn't do that, he wouldn't hurt her...not like that.

They had been dating for nearly three months; it was Callen who had started things. Sure she'd had feeling for him. Lots of feelings. But it was Callen who had said things out loud, it was him who had driven her home one night after a long day at work only to take an unexpected detour to a fancy restaurant that he knew she loved. It was him who drew her in with the simplest and subtlest compliments that warmed her heart in ways that no man had managed before. It was Callen who had kissed her, told her out loud how he felt. It was he who grinned like a kid in a candy store when she made room in her drawers for his things and it was Callen who held her every night and kissed her awake every morning...well did.

It was the senior agent who made her feel blissfully happy and it was him who made sure to tell her every day that he was the lucky one to have her in his life. He made her feel loved, she was certainly not a stranger to abandonment... boyfriend after boyfriend, date after date not to mention fiancées and family.

She had often wondered before what was wrong with her, figured she must be cursed never to find love or something but then Jack had happened and she had loved, she had experienced pure love. And then she experience pure loss, pure sorrow and she hadn't loved again...not until Callen.

She'd loved him as a friend no doubt, considered him family but then slowly she had begun to love him on a completely different level and she found that it wasn't a hard thing to do. They had of course kept their relationship on the low around the office and she was more than willing to attempt to evade the rumour mill of the OSP building not to mention the relentless teasing they would surely endure from Sam and Deeks.

Not that it had worked; they could have made it of course. After all they were top of the class undercover agents but it had made both of them uncomfortable to hide from their friends, their family. So they told them and they did endure the teasing but after Kensi had threatened them with a not so pleasant end they had settled down. But either way it had been worth it.

And so they had dated, had dinners...usually followed with passionate sex..most of the time. They'd talked, they'd laughed and they did it all over again. G Callen was a gentleman,

_Well until he started seeing other women. _

Kensi shook her head fiercely for the second time. It wasn't possible. There was no way that he'd done that.

Kensi ended up sitting on the floor against the wall well into the morning. It was only when her eyes caught the light outside the opaque window that she was able to drag herself from her thoughts.

She had been wondering how many times Lisa and Callen had been together. She was wondering if Callen had had an alternative motive when they had agreed not to tell anyone about their relationship.

She frowned physically shaking her head for what felt like the millionth time, denying her own thoughts that sent a surge of pain through her body. A sick feeling arose in Kensi's throat and more tears fell whether she wanted them to or not. A sob wracked her frame but Kensi's reflexes were as sharp as ever and she jumped to her unsteady feet spinning the faucet letting water stream from the showerhead and muffle the sounds of her quiet sobs that she could no longer stop.

_This was not her._

Several minutes later Kensi stepped into the shower her tears camouflaging with the drops of water perfectly and she felt her shoulders begin to shake even more violently and she could no longer keep the devastatingly familiar feeling of loss, of loneliness of hurt consuming her once again.

_Who would want Kensi Blye?_

_Why would he want Agent Kensi Blye when he could literally pick women from a crowd that he wanted?_

_No...__she didn't know what was going on? She didn't know? She didn't have any proof..._

_Lisa._

It hadn't taken her long. She was a professional after all. It had taken her nearly half an hour to gather herself together and finish her impulsive shower. She prayed her bloodshot eyes would have returned to normal and could only hope that Callen didn't notice the tremble in her hands. She took a deep breath before she slipped out of the bathroom and back into the hall. The house was still silent and she moved quietly down the hall with a white, fluffy towel wrapped around her frame.

"Morning" She jumped before looking towards the bed and saw Callen who was still wrapped in a sheet groggily peering up at her,

"Morning" She replied softly and forced a smile on her lips but even with everything swirling inside of her she didn't find it hard as he rubbed his sleepy blue eyes which were always slightly lighter when he'd just woken up. She turned her back to him surveying her clothes, trying to find something for herself to wear,

"Kens you oaky?" She heard him ask gently from behind her, _of course he would notice. _She turned and offered him a small smile,

"Yeah I'm good just feel a little off or something this morning" she shrugged and wondered if he found it easy to lie to her. A moment later she felt her eyes try to well again when his arms wrapped around her body. He spun her around in his arms and placed the back of his hand on her forehead frowning slightly. He caressed her flushed cheek tenderly and she let herself be drawn into his arms.

She held on...tightly...to the man she could have already lost. Not wanting to believe it, not wanting to let go.

**Hey guys...so what do you think?**

**Remember not to write off Callen ...and tune out...yesss I'm scared that people are going to stop reading! **

**Hahaha**

**Anywho hope you guys liked it let me know!**

**Thank you for reading and all of you for your reviews!**

**Nina xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Can love really conquer all?**

**Chapter 5:**

To say that the following day was a disaster would have been truly understating things. The couple managed to leave the house relatively on time which was rare for them but as Callen pulled out of the drive way in his car after placing an empty peck on her forehead a hollow feeling settled uncomfortably in the pit of her stomach.

She couldn't stop thinking about it. Every time she looked at him, every time she thought about him,

_Lisa_

Kensi sighed as she got into her own car knowing it was going to be a very long day and not quite knowing what to do with the whole situation. For once Kensi didn't race Callen there, for once Kensi drove slowly, abided by the road rules and even avoided all the shortcuts she knew more than ready to settle with a long traffic jam that morning. By the time she finally arrived she was five minutes late but that didn't stop her from sitting behind the wheel still in the car park dedicated for the agents and staff at OSP for another five minutes. She sat there trying to swallow the choking lump that was lodged in her throat and was making it difficult to breathe. Shaking her head she forced herself out of her thoughts and steadied her breathing before getting out of the car and making her way inside just as Callens name appeared on her phone's screen as it rang.

Once she'd sat at her desk she'd mumbled some excuse about traffic and missing a turn or something but thankfully Eric whistled at the right time for once and she rose back out of her seat escaping the confused glance that Callen was giving her.

"You okay Kens?" it was her partner who asked this time as he caught up with her,

"Yeah Deeks I'm fine" She said slipping into the tech room throwing a good morning to Nate, Eric and Hetty who were already assembled in the room. Unfortunately for Kensi she couldn't focus. As the video stream finished she blinked having no idea what it was she had just watched. Or was supposed to have watched. Suddenly Callen's voice filled the room,

"Kens Deeks why don't you go talk to the wife, we'll go check out the house" She nodded not meeting his eyes and turned heading back out oblivious to the concerned expressions that followed her out the door from her co-workers,

"Look after her Deeks" the senior agent said an uneasy feeling settling over him. Deeks turned back to Callen,

"She okay?" Deeks asked concerned,

"I think she's feeling sick you know Kens never going to admit it" it was the only thing the senior agent could offer even though he knew that whatever it was that was going on with his girlfriend was more than just feeling sick. He frowned. They always told each other everything. He couldn't think why she hadn't just told him what was going on instead of passing him off with a lame excuse no one was ever going to believe. He sighed feeling tired already.

Agent Kensi Blye was not one to be distracted. She was not one to do 'average' work she was good at what she did. They all were. But that morning she couldn't concentrate, Deeks had already snapped his fingers in front of her eyes twice and they hadn't even arrived at the woman's house yet.

Once they had finally gotten there, ventured inside the house and sat down to chat with the woman whose husband had been murdered, as Kensi had finally discovered, she found that faking actual illness may not be so difficult after all.

"He was cheating on me" Kensi looked at the distraught woman in front of her and blanched hoping her partner didn't notice. If he did though he ignored it and began to question the woman, now a widow, further about what she knew about her husband's affair.

_Lisa...Lisa...Lisa_

As she began to talk about how she'd found out, how she'd found out that her husband had been hiding it for months on end almost a year Kensi stood abruptly and both turned to her,

"You okay?" Deeks asked and she nodded turning to the woman,

"Mrs Thompson do you mind if I use your bathroom for a second?"

"No of course not and call me Marissa" Kensi nodded before following her directions down the hall. Thankfully she got there just in time to collapse shakily in front of it before bile rose up her throat and she emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet. Once she'd finished her chest heaved with laboured breaths and she leant her body sideways laying her forehead against the cool tiles. Not moments afterwards Kensi jumped slightly at the knock on the door,

"Kens?" she could hear the question in her partners voice,

"I'm fine Deeks just give me a second" But as Kensi stood up another wave of nausea crashed over her and forced her back to her knees trying to hold her hair away from her face. The door was opened a second later and Kensi found her eyes watering and gripped the toilet as Deeks brushed her hair back himself. This time when she slumped sideways Deeks was there to gently catch her and then help her up slowly avoiding another round. Marissa stood behind them with a glass of water and Kensi smiled at her in thanks.

Twenty minutes later the partners left the house,

"Deeks thank you" She said quietly as she got into the car, for once letting Deeks drive without a fight. He shrugged her off smiling gently but she could see the worry swirling in his eyes,

"I'm fine now though. I don't think breakfast agreed with me this morning" she said smiling but his expression didn't change,

"Kens maybe you should just take the day off, take some time out" She shook her head as he knew that she would and he sighed,

"I'm good now, feel much better" he nodded absently and all Kensi could do was try not to yell at him as he glanced towards her every single time he thought she wasn't looking. As they got out of the car at the other end she turned to Deeks,

"Hey Deeks how about we don't mention it to Sam or G just don't worry about it okay?" She said hopefully but Deeks frowned,

"What because they'll send you home and won't give in?" He asked knowing that he gave in to Kensi way too easily,

"No because they'll overreact and probably force me straight to the doctors if not the hospital and that's just ridiculous" She grinned and he swallowed uncomfortably but finally nodded as they heard Sam call to them from the house telling them to hurry it up.

"Thanks Deeks" He threw her a smile before following her towards the other two agents.

And so Kensi did what she did best and forcibly threw herself back into work ignoring the situation. She forced the mask that she usually wore with ease back over her face shielding her emotions from the others and stuffed the ill feeling down to deal with later. Two crime scene's later, countless coffee's, a worried Deeks and a mountainous pile of paperwork and Kensi found herself more than thankful for the distractions the OSP building offered.

However some distractions weren't always as great as they seemed and although she had thought that a team night would do her wonders as she and Deeks walked into the bar, being the last of course she began to regret her decision wishing instead she could just head home and sleep it all off.

They sat around the table Hetty at the head of it and Nate and Deeks on either side of her. Callen and Sam sat on opposite sides of the table from each other leaving two spots for them next to either of them. Naturally Deeks slipped in beside Sam leaving her seat next to Callen and so she gently eased herself in next to Callen for once feeling unsettled by the closeness, self conscious even.

As Kensi sat only half listening to Deeks' recount of the crime scene they'd just finished at a part of her wanted to keep pretending that she hadn't heard anything that morning. That she hadn't woken to hear another woman's name on his lips and instead lean into Callen letting his touch comfort her like it normally did. Another part of her wanted to unleash the harpy deep inside on him but with a sigh she realised that her anger had completely dissipated as she had walked in the door. In fact she realised that her anger hadn't ever really bubbled into anything. It lay dormant waiting or just too tired to be bothered with this one. When Sam turned to her questioning her she had to ask him to repeat his question more than once causing everyone to become worried with their junior agent all over again. As the questions came she shook them off insisting that she was indeed fine. Sending a reminding glance at Deeks to not open his mouth and share the events of that morning she opted for escape as she rose unsteadily from the seat walking away after excusing herself for the bathroom.

"Trouble in paradise" Callen frowned at Sam's words as he watched Kensi's tense form retreating back through the bar weaving through the crowd. He had no idea what was going on, he had caught the glance between Deeks and Kensi but as he watched the man he knew that he wouldn't dare betray Kensi's trust and at the same time as being annoyed he was thankful that she had that in a partner,

"I don't know I thought she was sick..now I'm not so sure" He admitted quietly as she disappeared and then he turned on Deeks wondering if he could in fact get anything out of her,

"Has she said anything Deeks?" the blonde detective shook his head and Callen and probably Sam, Nate and most definitely Hetty knew that he was lying. The man sighed,

"She has looked a bit pasty all day though" he offered not that he would ever say that in front of her. Callen nodded before he got up as well,

"I'm going to go and check on her" he said before following the path he'd wife had disappeared on.

****

Kensi stood in the bathrooms and stared at herself in the rather disgusting, cracked mirror. She felt sick, disgusted with herself. What kind of agent was she? She couldn't even hide this! But Kensi sighed, exhausted. She had never truly loved or even really liked how she had looked and although it wasn't something that she had bothered with for a long time she found herself constantly comparing herself to others. She had thought she had _rid herself of the habit long ago but it seemed she was wrong. As she walked into the bar...she'd done it. And then she'd felt disgusted with herself because she didn't even know what was going on. She had no proof. She had no concrete evidence. _

_Innocent until proven guilty_

_For all she knew he could have been dreaming about an old pet or perhaps Lisa was another friend or sibling from one of the foster homes Callen had stayed in. She felt the guilt wash over her for jumping so far to a conclusion but as she stared at herself in the mirror she knew...she knew this person was more...more than all of that. _

_Lisa_

_The last man who had cheated on her had done so with a beautiful long, legged blonde woman who was stunning in every sense of the word. She had spent days after the Luke disaster comparing her body, her features against Yasmin Fisher and she hadn't been even close to satisfied. This time as her mind created Lisa in her head...she was even further away. _

_Callen had managed to heal parts of her, fill some of the gaping holes that she had been left with over the years. He called her beautiful, he told her she looked cute in the mornings and stunning when they went out to dinner. And the man had told her just enough that she had really started to believe that he thought so. But once again she was reminded of her exceeding inability to keep men around for long. She should have known it was a stupid idea to start with Callen. She should have known how it was going to end. Like it always did. Jack, Luke, Harry, Greg, Matthew. Dom, her father. The countless first dates. She sure had a gift. _

_And as she met her own eyes in the mirror she wondered if it was because she too much or if it was because she wasn't enough. She felt sick, she felt humiliated like she did after every breakup even though they hadn't really broken up._

_Yet._

It was only a matter of time. Why would Callen pick her? The thought of walking back out into the bar was nauseating. The thought of facing the team again, of sitting millimetres away from Callen, of forcing laughter and a smile that she knew had to look very convincing to pass by a team of undercover agents, not to mention the psychologist. But she didn't have a choice. If she wasn't going to get the third degree from all of them she had to be convincing and she certainly didn't want to go home yet. Well she did, but Callen was too much a gentleman to not take her himself if he thought she was unwell. And the last thing she wanted was to be alone with him at that moment.

Unfortunately it seemed that the world was decidedly not on her side and as she walked out of the bathroom poised and ready to play her part she stopped feeling her entire frame slump as she came face to face with the man himself who was leaning against the wall obviously waiting for her.

"Kens" She stopped but didn't meet his eyes. Something that he obviously wasn't satisfied with because he crossed the small area to meet her and placed a hand under her chin gently pulling it upwards until he could look at her,

"Why won't you look at me Kens" and finally she looked up and she saw the shock in his eyes. She knew he could see the hurt and the pain and the internal debate she was having with herself.

"What's going on Kens? Talk to me" And finally after a day of holding it together, after a day of needing to know and wishing it wasn't true and regretting waking up early it was all too much. She was over it all and she needed to know, once and for all. She was done. She knew that it shouldn't be there in the bar that she confronted him, she knew it wasn't smart. But when did she ever do things the best way.

"G who's Lisa" the words were out of her mouth before she could stop them and her eyes flickered up to his. The shock that Kensi watched spread over Callen's face made heart stop. She then watched the guilt and remorse that followed. From his expression she knew...she knew that whoever she was, she was a special person to G Callen. Without waiting for him to reply or offer her an explanation she continued,

"You ..you said her name this morning...while we were in bed" She heard the painful truth in her own words. She'd thought them over a million times during the day but...hearing them out loud.

"Kens can we talk about this later please" She frowned but it was more of an effort not to allow her jaw to tremble or her eyes to well.

"Who is she G?" She asked quietly despising how vulnerable she sounded, how fragile.

"Kens not now just...later" he said and she could see him struggling with his words, a deer caught in headlights.

"No I need to know now G...I need..." She wanted to say that she needed him to tell her that it wasn't someone he was with, that she wasn't the other woman. Whichever of them was the 'other' one.

"Will you just drop it for now please, damn it Kensi just drop it alri-" She almost jumped at the anger in his voice. Or was it frustration. Or guilt. She didn't know but she stood still, silent. Unable to believe what she was hearing because all she could hear was that she was the woman he loved. That Lisa was the woman he wanted to be with.

But it appeared that it wasn't because of her that Callen had cut off his words so suddenly and Kensi turned when she caught him looking over her shoulder.

"Sorry I'll just g-" But before Sam could leave Callen strode passed him walking around Kensi and away from her. When Sam turned back to her he felt his chest tighten at the utter misery he saw on her face. He frowned. What on earth had happened here?

"Kens" She shook her head but he could see her fingernail being jammed into her hand. A sure sign that she was on the edge and preventing herself from breaking, from crying. He wanted to wrap her in a hug but he knew she wouldn't appreciate it right then and there. As she looked up at him she frowned for a minute and turned to leave but then turned back confusing Sam even more. But then she spoke and shocked him even more,

"Sam do you know who Lisa is?" She knew she was just digging herself a bigger hole. She knew it was just a bigger mistake by dragging Sam into things but she needed to know. And from the look that contorted Sam's face...he knew.

"Sam?" She questioned and there was almost a frantic edge to her voice one that both shocked and scared Sam as he looked down at the younger woman,

"Kens... I can't...that's for G to tell you okay?" she frowned again at Sam's cryptic answer but she shook her head knowing it was unfair on him. Knowing that he wasn't going to betray his partners trust. And while it was annoying while she wanted to scream at him to tell her who Lisa was she was glad that Callen had that in a partner. In a friend.

She nodded then accepting the fact that she wasn't going to receive an answer then and she looked back up to the former seal who was watching her carefully.

"Can you tell him I've gone home" Sam nodded his frown still etched into his face and as Kensi began to move past him he couldn't help but draw her into his arms giving her a tight squeeze. He couldn't believe that Kensi didn't know about Lisa. How the hell had G managed to keep her from Kensi. He watched Kensi go as all the pieces came together and it was then that he realised exactly what it was that was going through her head.

****

An acute onset of anger flooded through Kensi's body and she all but ran across the road towards her car. She was angry... with Callen...she thought the standard anger response to another breakup had faded long ago. She usually skipped anger and hurled straight into despair and loss. But no, she was angry. The thought of knowing that this could damage and destroy one of the most meaningful relationships she had spent building since she'd started working for the office of special projects. The thought that this could destroy the team, the thought that he had put all of that in danger made her angry at him. Kensi threw her body into her car and angrily swiped a few tears which had made a reappearance in exasperation.

_What had she turned into?_

It was almost four hours later that she heard the front door open. She was waiting, wondering if he was actually going to go back to her place that night or if he'd disappear, camp out at Sam's for the night maybe head back to the office. But he did and it was almost one o'clock in the morning. She sighed wondering if it would have been better to have just gone to bed and dealt with it in the morning. But the agent knew had she done that she would still be staring at the ceiling and moving around restlessly.

When Callen walked into the house he spotted Kensi on the couch a mug cradled in her hands. He knew he had to tell her then and there. It was Sam who had knocked the sense back into him, making him understand exactly how it was that Kensi had to be feeling. And he felt horrible, guilty for making her feel that way, for hurting her, for making her doubt him for a second. He had been shocked, there was no doubt about that. And then suddenly everything came together, everything made sense or at least it explained her behaviour for the day. But then he had gone stupid and got defensive and hadn't taken her feelings into account.

He wasn't good at this.

Kensi's eyes were trained on him as he placed his bag and keys down on the table gently and walked towards her sitting on the couch next to her. The room was dark lit up only by a dim lamp in the corner but it was enough for him to see the tenseness of Kensi's shoulders and for him to recognise the frown on her face and the glint in her eyes. He knew she was bracing herself for the worst. For him leaving her. For another man to walk out of her life and leave her alone. He knew her. And the thought of doing that made his chest constrict and his throat burn.

"Kensi I'm sorry" She closed her eyes when she heard the apology. It wasn't what she wanted. Apologies meant that something wrong had been done. She forced her walls up, forced the mask on, forced herself to close off but it was difficult because G Callen had managed to sneak past them all or break them all down a long time ago.

"G...please" she whispered and it was Callen who looked away this time his chest stinging at the pain in her voice, the torment...that he had caused. And he knew he couldn't put it off any longer. He knew he had to tell her. He just wished that it didn't have to be this way. Finally G Callen looked back up to Kensi and their eyes met. She had her arms around herself protectively and he wished they were his arms instead. He wondered if he'd ever get to hold her like that again,

"Lisa's my ex wife"

**There you have it! Chapter 5 we're slowly getting there... longest chapter of the story i think : D  
><strong>

**Please, please, please, please review!**

**I really hope you liked it!**

**Thank you to everybody who has reviewed so far I soooo much love getting them so thanks.**

**Particularly to Madil93 and Annabeth for their reviews last chapter! Thank you Thank you Thank you!**

**Nina xx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Can love really conquer all?**

**Chapter 6**

Kensi just stared at him, blankly.

"She's your wife?" she asked slowly,

"Ex wife" Callen corrected and Kensi nodded slowly her mouth open slightly,

"You were married?" she asked again and Callen watched her slowly as she took in his words. Her face was white and he didn't think that it would be possible for her to look any more shocked than she did,

"Yeah Kens" he confirmed gently and she swallowed the lump in her throat,

"Oh" she said simply,

"I wouldn't cheat on you Kens...I would never do that" She averted her gaze from him feeling her face flush red in embarrassment, how could she have thought that of him.

"I'm so sorry G I...I just...I was stupid" Callen shook his head adamantly and drew her gaze gently back to his with a gentle finger beneath her chin,

"You're not stupid Kensi...If I was in your position I would have thought the same thing" She nodded but she felt numb, unsure of everything that was happening,

"What happened?" She asked quietly wondering if he'd be able to open up enough to tell her. She had thought that she knew a lot about G's life. Thought that he had opened up great amounts as she had but she'd had no idea he'd been married before.

"She was killed in an OP" her head snapped up and looked to him her eyes widening,

"G I'm so sorry" he shrugged avoiding her shocked gaze,

"When...how...I mean.." Callen knew what she was asking,

"We were married six years ago we'd been together for a couple years before that. We were partners it was when I was working with the FBI. Anyway we went out to an OP and there were more than expected, tons more. We thought we were heading into an exchange but they weren't ever going to let us out of there" She listened to him watching him slip deeper and deeper into his thoughts. She laid a hand on the back of his hand threading her fingers with his.

"It wasn't your fault G" she said determinedly when he looked up,

"It wasn't your fault" he shrugged again before leaning back looking up at the ceiling. After several moments she looked back to him carefully,

"Why didn't you just tell me though? I mean we tell each other everything" She asked quietly and he couldn't help but think about when he'd thought the same thing earlier that day. He was such a hypocrite.

"I know Kens I'm sorry" he said simply and she nodded,

"What did you dream about" Callen tensed for a second and then looked to her,

"Not tonight Kens" He squeezed her hand before getting up and leaving her seated on the couch alone,

"G" he turned back to her and she could see his walls were back up and his face was guarded,

"I don't want to talk about this anymore kens" he said simply almost angrily. Before he walked away though she called to his back,

"You know I'm always here G...if you want to talk or need to"

"No it's fine Kensi, I need a shower" he walked away quickly before she could say anything else and she sat still.

_What had just happened?_

She felt so guilty, such an idiot. How could she have thought he had cheated on her? She wondered if that was why he was angry at her. She sighed getting up from the couch; she felt exhausted. Kensi checked the doors before flicking the lights off and placing her cup on the bench beside the sink. She climbed the stairs and could hear the shower running.

When G walked out of the shower almost half an hour later Kensi was already in bed,

"G" he looked towards her and could see the uncertainty on her face, again hating himself for putting it there.

"I'm sorry. For everything. For how I acted and for everything that's happened to you, I'm really sorry. It's not fair" she said quietly and the genuine emotion in Kensi's voice was enough to make his heart clench. He moved towards her and kissed her gently their lips meeting. It was a gentle kiss but they could both feel the electricity that ran through them.

He pulled away muttering something about water and she could hear him heading down the stairs. If Kensi had thought it had taken him a long time in the shower it certainly took him a long time to get a glass of water. Frowning she slipped out of bed and silently headed back down stairs. When she got there Callen was on the couch and the TV was the only source of light flickering between images. She watched as Callen's back tensed just slightly and she knew that he knew she was there.

But when he didn't turn, didn't say anything didn't acknowledge her she felt her heart sunk into the stomach and she turned heading back up the stairs tiredly. As she slipped into bed she lay there, cold and waiting. Waiting for him to come back up although a part of her knew he wouldn't that night.

**Just a quick chapter for you guys while I work on the next bit. Hope you like it!**

**Please review!**

**Thank you**

**Nina**

**xx**


	7. Chapter 7

**Can love really conquer all?**

**Chapter 7:**

The next morning Kensi pulled her bag higher up onto her shoulder as she walked into the OP centre. She knew everyone had probably already arrived and that she was late. Again. She had never been late to work before and yet it had been nearly three days in a row. She had heard Callen leave that morning, heard the door click close so quietly that if you didn't have the trained ears they had, you wouldn't have heard it. After a restless night she'd been awake any way staring at the alarm clock, the red neon letters ticking over so slowly. He'd come into the room at one point and just as she was about to roll over, hopefully into his arms, she heard the cupboard slide open. He wasn't there for her, he needed clothes. So she had lay there knowing that he knew she was awake and a tear trickled down her cheek gently as she listened to him gather his things together before leaving the room.

Kensi shook her head clearing her mind before she stepped into the office to find...nobody. She frowned glancing at her watch. She wasn't that late. She headed up the stairs after depositing her bag on her desk. She found them standing around the table,

"Good morning Ms Blye. Glad you could join us" She nodded slinking into the room avoiding Sam and Hetty's ...well everyone's eyes. She took a place next to Deeks and it was only then that she realised she wasn't the only late one. Looking up and surveying the team at the table she frowned again,

"Ms Blye you don't happen to know the whereabouts of Mr Callen do you?" Her eyes swept around the table once again shocked that he wasn't there. G was _never_ late to work. She shook her head quickly and pulled out her phone punching the number she knew off by heart into the phone.

_This person is not available at this time...please leave a message at th-_

Kensi hung up before she could hear the beep. She frowned the embarrassment bubbling inside of her. G _always_ answered his phone. By the time she had turned they were all watching her curiously and she couldn't miss the concern in Sam's eyes. She watched as Hetty raised her phone to her ear,

"Mr. Callen" Kensi closed her eyes and simply turned on her heel and left the room. She couldn't do it. She thought she would be able to walk in there, her workplace, with dignity and ignore everything that was at home. But this...he was ignoring her calls and taking Hettys. Now she looked like an idiot. And she felt like one too.

She dropped down in her chair only to hear footsteps heading down the stairs.

"Kens..." For a moment she thought Sam was going to ask her if she was okay, or defend his best friends actions, or interrogate her about what had happened or something like that. She stood up physically turning her body away from him and headed towards the coffee machine. She pulled out the largest cup and began to fill it.

"Why don't you and Deeks head out to the crime scene. I'll wait here" His voice was soft, unsure, and she nodded from where she was. She turned after placing the lid on the coffee and she headed towards Deeks before turning and heading out alongside him. She didn't fail to notice Nate and Sam watching her every move or the smaller woman on the balcony above who's eyes tracked her as she left the building.

When Kensi headed straight for the passenger seat he knew there was something seriously wrong going on. She sat and leant her head backwards closing her eyes. Deeks drove. He drove and didn't talk instead he just drove. He was her partner, he knew her. Not like Callen, but he knew her. Probably more than anyone else on the team apart from their senior agent. When Kensi turned her head towards the window he prayed she wasn't crying. He'd have no idea what to do with a crying Kensi and if it had been any other guy who had made Kensi upset like this he would have been on his doorstep that morning with something to say. And he was sure Sam and Callen would be standing beside him. But it wasn't any old guy. It was Callen himself. Their relationship had worked seamlessly since they'd been together. It strengthened the team and brought them even closer.

Deeks didn't speak until he drove through the drive through to pick up donuts. As he handed the box to his partner she smiled at him a little and he watched her relax. He accelerated out of the parking lot,

"Thanks Deeks" He grinned at her and replied while flicking on his indicator and checking the rear view mirror before changing lanes.

"You okay?" He caught her nodding as she took a bite of the first chocolate pastry before handing him one,

"Yeah I'm fine it was just a long night. He left before me this morning I thought he'd come to work ...I don't know Deeks"

"You guys will work it out" he didn't pry. She was a private woman and it had taken him a long time to earn her trust. He had spent almost the first year with her proving to her that he knew how to do his job, that he was a good agent and that ...well he wasn't going to die.

"He was married before" It was a simple statement but Deeks almost choked after taking a large bite. Once he managed to force the doughnut down his throat and breathe in some air he replied to his partner with wide eyes,

"What?...Callen...married" Kensi just nodded thankful that finally it was someone who didn't know. Someone who was as surprised as she was, as stunned as she was.

"It's just...he..I feel...egh never mind" She said taking another bite and slumping back into the seat,

"No go ahead Kens, what?" She gulped and stared straight out the front windscreen as she answered,

"It's just I...I tell him everything you know. I've told him everything about my life. About my Dad, Jack everything and I just feel...I feel like I don't know him or something...it's stupid" She waved a hand dismissing her own words but Deeks shook his head,

"It's not stupid Kens" She turned her body towards her partner,

"I...I just...don't know what his prob—not his problem I just...I don't know what he's worried about. If he feels guilty or something, cause that's how I felt at first...you know with Jack and all that but we talked about that so I don't know why he—unless...it's just..." She trailed off sighing again,

"Just what?" Deeks asked prompting her softly even though he had a fair idea of where she was going with the conversation,

"me..I..Maybe he's missing her because of me" Deeks sighed this time and pulled the car over towards the curb of the victims house before turning to face Kensi.

"He loves you Kens and he's lucky to have you. He knows that. There'll be an explanation, you'll just have to be patient with him. It's not you" She stared at him for a second blinking slowly before she nodded,

"Thanks Deeks" She threw him a grin and climbed out of the car. He met her on the footpath and threw his arm around her shoulder giving her a squeeze before they climbed the steps of the front veranda and pulled their guns.

_1, 2, 3_

**NcislaSam**Ncisla**EricNcisla**Ncisla**DeeksNcisla**Ncisla**HettyNcisla**Ncisla**Ncisla**KensiNcisla**Ncisla**CallenNcisla**NateNcisla**********************************

"So"

"Don't want to talk about it"

"Is that what you're going to tell Hetty when she swoops?"

Callen's jaw clenched as he sat in the passenger seat of the car on their way to pick up the persecutor.

"Why'd you ignore her call?" Callen sighed loudly knowing his partner wasn't going to drop it.

"I just don't want to talk to her right now" he said but even he knew it sounded ridiculous as he said it,

"Bull G. You got to talk...it's not going to work if you don't talk" G nodded

"Well she wants to know everything" he said with exaggeration,

"How much do you know about Jack?" He asked forcefully. Sam knew it was a wake up call. It wasn't his intention to be mean but just to get his partner to understand. Kensi had told Callen all about Jack, everything she had felt. The fact that she didn't not love him. But she wasn't _in_ love with him anymore. He had wanted to know, he had been curious,

"What's the difference G" Callen couldn't answer instead it felt like he'd been smacked in the chest with a ton of bricks,

"It's not my fault" He said quietly and Sam shook his head as they pulled into the street,

"No it's not. But it's not Kens' either"

****NcislaSam**Ncisla**EricNcisla**Ncisla**DeeksNcisla**Ncisla**HettyNcisla**Ncisla**Ncisla**KensiNcisla**Ncisla**CallenNcisla**NateNcisla**************************  
><strong>

The senior agent hadn't seen his junior all day. When he'd got to the office she'd left with Deeks already and he'd been slightly relieved. All he could think of was the way he'd snapped at her the night before and left her to sleep alone. That and the tear he'd caught slip down her bronzed cheek as he'd snuck out of their room that morning. He felt like crap. He felt awful for putting her through what he was. Sam was right, it wasn't Kensi's fault and it wasn't her problem. She shouldn't have to deal with it. It was his.

Thankfully Hetty hadn't approached him that day and he'd left the communication stuff to Sam who it seems had been chatting to Deeks over the radio. He couldn't help but wonder how the woman sitting next to Deeks was and by the end of the day he desperately wanted to see her. Needed to see her. To apologise and explain and rectify the entire mess that he'd caused.

But as he sat three houses down from Kensi's in his car looking at the house he basically lived at now he couldn't bring himself to pull into her driveway. Something was stopping him. Something was stopping him from driving in and facing Kensi and before he knew it he had turned the car around and was driving back the way he had come.

****NcislaSam**Ncisla**EricNcisla**Ncisla**DeeksNcisla**Ncisla**HettyNcisla**Ncisla**Ncisla**KensiNcisla**Ncisla**CallenNcisla**NateNcisla**************************  
><strong>

She waited, she waited until eight. She waited nearly four hours before calling. Giving him his space. Being patient. But she was worried. Worried about where he was, worried about what he'd do, what he was doing. She knew better than most that he could get reckless when he was upset. She was worried that if she didn't confront him now that all of this could blow up in her face and she could lose it all. Lose Callen, lose her newest source of contentment and happiness. She raised her phone to her ear hitting the first speed dial option,

_Ring ring ring ring_

"Kensi" she stopped her body stilling when she heard Sam's voice,

"Hey Sam" She greeted softly trying to disguise the hurt she was feeling. Now he wasn't even taking her calls.

"Um is G there?" she asked

"Yeah Kens he's here. I think he might crash here tonight you know" A sharp ache radiated through her chest and she cursed herself as moisture welled in her eyes,

"um...ok that's fine. Just wanted to know he's still alive and all" She bit out; a bad taste in her mouth,

"He's fine Kens. You okay" She pressed her lips into a thin line and tried to stop her composed mask from shattering all over the floor beneath her,

"I'll see you tomorrow Sam, thanks for letting him say" She said in one breath and quickly hung up the phone once she heard Sam bid her goodbye. Kensi let her body slide down the wall. It was several moments before she forced her exhausted frame back up and padded back out to the bathroom. She turned the counter and picked up the plate full of food. She spun on her heel and threw the whole thing, plate and all into the bin. She turned back grabbed an identical one before she padded out to the lounge. She flicked the television on and pulled the blanket off the back of the couch down over her body. She chose a movie before settling down. She wasn't going to sleep in her bed. Their bed. Not again. Not alone. Not alone again.

**There you gooo. Hope you like it!**

**PLEASE REVIEWW : )**

**Thanks,**

**Nina xoxo**


	8. Chapter 8

**Can love really conquer all?**

**Chapter 8**

She was scrubbing the dishes when he came home. It was nine o'clock and she'd cleaned the house and vacuumed the floors. She'd made herself breakfast and then thrown it away and now she was scrubbing the dishes. Her apartment was most probably cleaner than it had been in years.

When she heard a key slide in the front door her body tensed and her actions simply quickened. She heard every one of his footsteps as if they echoed around the house until he was standing behind her,

"Kens?" his voice was quiet, unsure.

"Kens I'm sorry" he added and Kensi cursed herself as her eyes that were welling quickly overflowed and a tear dropped into the soapy water. She tightened her grip on the glass in her hand when he began to speak again,

"Kensi please...can we talk. I'm sorry ...Kens I'm so sorry...for _everything_ for not telling you, for not coming home, for making you think –"

It was at that point that Callen's eyebrows shot up in shock when he heard the sound of glass shattering,

"DAMN IT!" they weren't really the two words he'd first wanted to hear from her but when she held up her hand out of the water a second later he understood. Thinking fast he grabbed a tea towel lying on the bench beside him and wrapped it around her hand that was covered in bright red blood. He held her smaller, bleeding hand in his larger one applying pressure and finally looked to her and met her eyes. Her eyes that were filled with so much hurt that he cringed because he knew that he was the reason it was there. It was Kensi who broke the silence after a long moment of silence,

"Are you staying?" Callen wasn't sure he'd ever heard Kensi's voice that small. He'd certainly never heard it so vulnerable before and the sound shook him to the core. But he answered her quickly wanting to make her understand, praying that she would understand how much he loved her,

"I'm staying Kens I told you...I'm not going anywhere Kens. I love you" she nodded but for the first time in almost their whole relationship she didn't say it back. She was scared. He knew that. She'd been abandoned and cheated on and betrayed too many times that closing off and drawing back was almost a reflex now. But it was one that he had started to change, that had slowly began to fade.

Kensi pulled her hand from his grip and sat down and the table holding it with her other one. When Callen sat across from her she stared towards the floor for several seconds,

"Why don't you tell me about her?" she asked quietly, unsure if it really was the best thing to ask, and finally looked up at him. Did she really want to hear? To be honest with herself yes she did. She wanted to know about the woman who captured G Callen's heart. She wanted to know about her and their life together. And more than all of that G needed it. He needed to talk about it as much as he didn't want to.

"Are you sure Kens?" he asked tentatively but she held his gaze and nodded. He offered her a small and cautious smile before letting his mind drift backwards. He'd rehearsed what he was going to say to her one hundred times and yet as he sat in front of the deflated Kensi he couldn't remember the words he'd practiced,

"We met six years ago in the FBI. I...we were partnered together and we got close quickly. I don't know... she was the first woman that I ever...really felt something for" he shrugged unsure of his wording but Kensi nodded both understandingly and encouragingly,

"How long were you guys together?" She asked softly, prompting him,

"Nearly two years...we got married..on the beach, she was beautiful" Kensi felt the bile rise up into her throat as she listened to Callen speak about her, about Lisa. About their wedding, on the beach, and she could see him, waiting at the end of an aisle for his soon to be wife a large smile on his face. Callen's voice suddenly drew her out of her thoughts and she shook her head trying to clear her mind,

"We got a house, we had great jobs, friends, lives we had it all and then...then we got that case" Callen stopped abruptly and Kensi watched him carefully. She watched the torment in his haunted eyes and she frowned wishing she could do something, say something to make it better for him. To make him feel better.

"What happened G" the junior agent almost breathed out and finally he answered her,

"It was supposed to be a simple case, easy, straight-forward, procedural. Drug bust, street gangs you know, exchange like I said. But it all went wrong somewhere...they knew we were coming. I was a couple of blocks away when it actually happened...I...there were more than there should have been, they were armed, illegal weapons and they..." he stopped again shaking his head,

"It was a bloodbath. We lost a heap of agents, all the ones who couldn't get out in time. Backup didn't get there fast enough...I..." Kensi frowned knowing exactly what was going on his head. She stood and walked around the other side of the table before taking the seat beside him.

"G" he looked down at her meeting her eyes when she said his name,

"G, this was not your fault. It was not your fault" she said slowly but she didn't see the guilt fade in his eyes and she wondered if there would ever be a time when he'd believe her. Wondered that if she said it enough, if she repeated those five words over and over that he'd ever believer her,

"It wasn't your fault G" she whispered again and she peered into his eyes. The broken, vulnerable look that she caught shook her and she instinctively leaned closer until she could wrap her arms around him.

"It wasn't your fault G" she repeated and she felt him finally give in. His hands fisted the cotton of her shirt and he clung onto her drawing strength from her.

And for what Kensi was sure was probably one of the first times in...a very long time, if not ever Callen cried for her. For the woman that he loved and the woman that he lost.

**Chapter eight for you guys thank you so much for your patience**

**Thanks**

**Nina xx**

**Oh and please, please review! They do make my day and this day certainly needs making! : )**


	9. Chapter 9

**Can love really conquer all?**

**Chapter 9**

Men are tough. Well they pretend to be anyway. But real men don't cry right? Or so the world tells them. She'd always hated seeing men cry, the ones she loved. Not the ones who broke down across the interrogation table when they realised that they had been caught and there was no going back, no escape. But when the men she loved, those that trusted her enough, respected her enough, loved her enough to cry in front of her. That evoked more emotion from her than she had ever really known what to do with.

It was a seldom experience and for that she was thankful, in fact it had only really happened three times in her life, coincidentally by the three men who she had loved the most in her life. Her three greatest loves. Her father was the first and as a young girl who had been sheltered from the cruel insecurities and injustices of the world it tore her apart to watch her super hero break in front of her. How was she supposed to be okay, how was she supposed to be able to smile and say that she was alright when her father couldn't do it for himself. It was just the two of them then. The Blye quartet had been slaughtered in half leaving two hollow, empty beds and a dinner table that seemed too large.

Little did she know that losing her mother and her sister would cause her and her Dad to grow to be best friends. But all she could do in that moment, as her father knelt on the ground in his bedroom clutching her mothers' wedding rings, was sit next to him and cry with him.

The second was her first attempt at marriage. Jack. The first man she'd ever truly loved again after her father was torn away from her; after the very last of her family was stolen and she was left alone in the world. He was handsome and charming and looked great in his uniform but he was also caring and loving and tender. He didn't smother her but he made sure she knew that he loved her. And love her he did. In love they were. There was no date set. But a plan. A plan of a date. Of a day. The day he would come home, come home to her. They wrote, they called when they could and they loved each other from afar. His letters made her cry and laugh and her heart to ache, her letters made him cry and laugh and even more determined to fight. Not to win. Not to kill. Not to murder. All he wanted was to go home. To his fiancé, his family.

But when she got another letter. The last letter. The letter that told her of his discharge. His discharge on medical grounds her heart seemed to stop. And she cried. Cried that he was hurt and cried with happiness that he was coming home to her again. Forever.

But he never did. The man who was delivered, to his home. To their home was not her soon to be husband. He didn't smile, he didn't kiss her and hold her and laugh with her. He locked himself away. He locked his feelings away. He locked his thoughts away and along with them he locked his heart. Away from her. The ring that had sat on her finger for almost a year seemed to lose its sparkle as the one in his eyes began to fade. It wasn't her Jack.

But she was still his. She was still his Kensi. And so she studied, she rang people, she spoke with the medical officers in charge, she read and researched and met with doctors. She did everything she could. Everything that she knew of, that she could think of. The medication began to work and she would catch glimpses of him, of her Jack, of her fiancé. But he would be gone as fast as he came.

It was in one of these fleeting moments that her Jack broke. Broke down in her arms, on her shoulder. He told her he loved her, that he missed her, that he would fight for her. He told her of the horrible memories that haunted him. Of lost comrades and limbs, of bloodshed and bombs. And then the tears stopped and the memories consumed him once again. He barked orders and took cover when a car backfired in their street. Her Jack was gone.

And then one day he was gone. Really gone.

She'd walked downstairs, dressed and ready to head to the doctor's office. After finding him in neither the kitchen or the lounge she'd jogged back upstairs with a frown on her face. Something was wrong. And it was only when she pushed the spare room door open that the extent of the situation found her. It was only when she saw the empty draws and the missing photos; the missing washing on the floor and the shoes in the corner. He was gone. She had lost him, forever.

And then there was the third time. One week ago exactly.

Kensi sighed as she remembered the pain in his eyes. His eyes that were usually so alive, so bright with life. The junior agent let her hand stretch to the opposite side of the bed, empty. Empty as it had been most of the nights since the one that Callen had broken down. Since he had bared it all and told her his thoughts and then broke down at her kitchen table, in her arms. And then he was gone.

The parallels that the whole situation had to Jacks, even her father's haunted her. She had lost both of the men who she had seen cry in the past. The ones that she loved. Her greatest loves. And Callen was one. Her third. Her third but her first in a very long time. He healed her, he taught her to trust and he learned at the same time; together. They worked through every problem, every issue only letting their love grow as they stumbled through the relationship like awkward teenagers experiencing love for the first time.

Kensi smiled, consumed in her thoughts of him. All of the fights they had had, the stupid ones, the ridiculous ones and the pointless ones. The ones that ended in Kensi threatening him with the couch only for him to sweep her up in his arms or fling her over his shoulder and carry her to their bed making them both forget why they were arguing. They were both stubborn, more than stubborn and they butted heads. A lot. But while the fought, they weren't really fighting and this...this wasn't a fight. She didn't know what it was.

All she knew is that the bed was empty for the fourth night in a row. She knew he and Sam were on assignment but she couldn't help but wonder whether Sam was sleeping at home that night. And whether Callen was on his couch. She knew that they had been out of LA overnight but she also knew he was back. The night he had come home for clothes it had been...almost awkward. He had kissed her but it was empty and being in his arms hadn't felt as though she had arrived home like it normally did. He had told her that they were going to be out of town and all she could think of was the interesting timing of the spontaneous undercover assignment they had been called on.

After that night they had gone to bed. She had led Callen upstairs and they had lay, tangled in each others' arms. He told her more about Lisa and the memories he had of his time with her. It had hurt and she felt disgusted with herself for thinking it. He had lost his wife. She had questioned herself whether she was envious of the woman, the dead woman. And she had been revolted at herself for thinking it. But she wasn't. She wasn't jealous of the woman, she was sad for her and happy for her. That she had had such a relationship with him. What she _was _jealous of was the look in Callens' eyes when he spoke of her, the tone in his voice when he described some of his favourite memories. She had simply held him tighter until they had both fallen asleep their minds caught in their own nightmares.

They had gone through this before, Kensi reasoned. Except it had been with her. When she had felt guilty about being with him. When she had felt like she was betraying Jack. Was this how Callen had felt? Had he felt jealous?

He had been patient and thoughtful and they had gotten through it, passed it and she loved him so much more, for staying. For loving her for her.

But wouldn't that have been the perfect time to bring up his _wife?_

She knew they could do it again, get through it again. She would be patient and thoughtful and they would get through it.

If he ever came home.

But she pushed the thought out of her mind as soon as it appeared. He would. He loved her. He wasn't Jack. He wasn't her father.

He was coming home.

**Chapter ninnnne... : ) Hope you like it. I know there wasn't a lot of action but there will be next chapter promise,**

**So please review! **

**Nina Xx**


	10. Chapter 10

**Can love really conquer all?**

**Chapter 10**

Callen sighed as his eyes involuntarily followed Kensi as she walked alongside Deeks' out of the building. He had just sent the two of them to check out the home of one of their suspects and she hadn't even looked at him. She hadn't met his eyes but he could still see the hurt and the pain swirling around the brown orbs that he loved so much.

And it was all his fault.

He wasn't sure what it was with him. Why he had pulled away but it happened, it had happened before he even realised he was doing it. The first night sincerely hadn't been planned. The op had come up and both he and Sam had ended up sleeping in a hotel out of LA after spending the day running around tailing the lead suspect in their new case.

But he could have called.

He could have text.

And he could have gone home the next night.

Instead he had fed Kensi some lame excuse of being exhausted and like Callen knew he would Sam had offered his partner with his couch. And he had accepted.

And he had never text.

And he had never called.

He wasn't sure why. Why he wasn't going home, why he was ignoring her calls.

He had no idea what was going on….all he knew was he was screwing up…royally. And he knew that it was him that was hurting her; that was killing them.

And then he knew that more than anything he didn't want what he had with Kensi to end.

So why didn't he go home to her, why didn't he call or text?

What was he doing?

"G" Sam's voice startled the agent out of his thoughts and he snapped back to reality only to see the rest of the team watching him curiously,

"Uh…let's head out to the victims house" he said quickly and turned to walk out of the room, escape their concerned looks and worried gazes. But unfortunately for Callen someone else had another idea,

"Actually Mr Hanna I'm sure Mr Beal or Mr Getz can find something for you to do while I speak with Mr Callen for a moment" Sam nodded watching his partner carefully as he stiffened and turned around to refute Hetty's suggestion. However when the small woman raised her hand Callen's mouth shut again and instead the lead agent simply followed her out of the room towards her office.

"Sit Mr. Callen" unlike usual Hetty didn't offer him tea and unlike usual Callen actually knew exactly where the conversation was heading. And it was one he sincerely did not want to have. Then again, better Hetty than Nate. But as she fixed him with a stare that seemed to say she could see straight through him he was prepared to reconsider. After several long moments Hetty shifted in her seat slightly,

"Mr Callen I have overlooked your _relationship_ with Ms Blye since it began" he nodded curtly waiting for her to continue,

"I did so because I knew for a fact that you were, are both professionals. Both exceedingly good at your jobs and I knew that you wouldn't run the risk of facing the consequences that most agents run into when they start a relationship with one of their co workers" Callen's gaze dropped down to the floor as Hetty refocused on him,

"And like I expected, you both lived up to my expectations and continued to work in a professional manner. In fact I dare say it strengthened the team. However," her tone changed,

"It appears that I may have been wrong" she said seriously and finally Callen looked up to her when she didn't continue,

"What do you want me to say Hetty" he asked softly after a moment,

"I don't know Mr Callen. If it were anybody else, any other team. One of you would have been shipped off to another team by now so convince me that I don't need to do the same" Callen stared at her for a moment,

She wouldn't would she?

She wouldn't break up the team?

God, what was he doing?

"No…hetty.." he sighed again trying to find the right words,

"No, I'll fix it. I promise, it was my fault I'll..it's fine. Don't….we're fine" but unfortunately it wasn't that easy. Whenever was it?

"Mr Callen the other reason I overlooked your relationship was because I believed and I still do that both of you deserve the happiness I have seen you give to each other over the last few months. And I don't think that this is something that you would want to throw away" Callen's chest tightened,

"Would I be correct to surmise that this may have something to do with Miss Reynolds, Mr Callen?" Callen looked up sharply. Of course she knew,

"What happened to you Mr Callen was ….a tragedy, nothing you deserved, nothing you could have helped. Do you understand that? There was nothing you could have done" she spoke slowly and deliberately as if to a five year old. But he'd heard it, over and over and over again; from so many people and the words simply washed over him.

"I don't believe that you should deny yourself the opportunity in front of you Mr Callen. It would also be wise to remember that Ms Blye has lost too" when Callen looked up to tell Hetty she was wrong, it was different. He knew Kensi had lost people but it wasn't like that, it wasn't the same. Hetty kept talking however, not giving him the chance to butt in,

"Ms Blye has lost as well. And no it may not have been in an identical circumstance but I do know that she has felt the guilt that, if I am correct, is still consuming you. I know that she has dealt with the guilt that she felt for what happened with her fiancé and then how she felt when you two got involved with each other, in fact I also know that you helped her sort through that" she paused, letting her words sink in,

"Callen, the two of you have been through more than anybody should. You have seen unimaginable things and have lost more in your lives than a person should ever lose. You have that in common. Use it, don't push her away." It was then, after a moment, that Hetty rose to her feet, pushing the chair back,

"I am here if you wish to discuss anything Mr Callen as is Mr Getz and Mr Hanna…perhaps Mr Gibbs could even be of assistance I know you two have spoken about things before and he knows what happened, you should think about it. I know that you understand what you have to lose here but you need to think of how you can both get through this without being hurt and do it soon Mr Callen because she won't wait forever, she's been there before"

And with that Hetty walked from her office leaving Callen to ponder over her words. For several long moments he simply sat…still. He then leant forward and ran his hands over his face,

_She's been there before_

Callen knew that. He knew that she wouldn't wait for him forever; he knew that she'd been there before. With Jack. Waiting for him to get better. Doing everything she could. He'd seen firsthand at how much that had hurt her, heard it straight from her how it had felt to watch him slowly drift away from her. To have a man come home to her, who wasn't her fiancé but someone else, someone she didn't recognise.

She'd been there before.

Callen wasn't sure how long he sat there. His mind was a mess he didn't know what he was doing and he wasn't sure it Hetty's advice had cleared things up for him or if it had just made him even more confused. After a while though someone cleared their voice behind him and without looking he knew it was his partner.

"Kensi and Deeks are on their way back, they found nothing. Do you want to head out to the victims house?" Sam asked and Callen nodded straight away, standing from the chair,

Work. He needed to work.

"Thanks man" he said knowing that Sam was more offering him a way out, a break, an escape or whatever else it was and the partners made their way out towards the car. Sam took the drivers seat without thinking about it as Callen hopped into the passenger side.

To Sam's credit he didn't bring it up at all instead they drove in silence with the radio on at low volume. It wasn't awkward, it never was. Sam knew his partner well enough to imagine the confusing mess that would be in Callen's head and he knew how much the man would be antagonising himself with it. He knew that all of this was bringing up memories that Callen had locked away at the very back of his mind a long, long time ago.

"You want to have a look in here, while I check around outside?" Callen nodded to his partner as they re-holstered their guns after clearing the house. Callen was more than thankful to his partner who left him to it heading back outside and Callen got to work moving from one room to the next.

He had no idea how it happened?

Absolutely no idea how on earth he didn't hear it?

He'd been leaning over a box, its contents spread on the floor of an upstairs bedroom. His mind a million miles away. With Kensi.

He'd thought of her non stop and was going home. As soon as he was done. He'd head ..well not home, but to Kensi's. He practically lived there anyway. She was home.

He'd answer her questions and tell her the truth, the whole truth. Tell her that he was scared; admit to her that he was petrified of what had happened, of it happening again. Of letting her in only for her to get hurt, or somehow else leave him.

Unfortunately fate had other plans for him. But Callen had never believed in fate. So it was the man who had almost silently made his way up the stairs gun in hand…he had other plans for him. The first shot ripped through Callen's shoulder. It was aimed for his head but at the sound of the trigger the agent had turned so fast his shoulder had blocked the shot. Blood gushed from the wound running down his arm as Callen drew his gun from his jeans while dodging another shot. He heard a struggle from outside and his heart constricted when he heard more shots. At least until he was distracted when another bullet pierced his thigh just above his knee. Three more shots followed.

Callen lay on his back gasping for air. His body was on fire. His vision was blurry. Dark blood soaked his white shirt and pooled around him on the ground. Two more shots had sliced into him. One just below his chest and the other was lodged in his stomach. The man lay bleeding out on the floorboards of the McKinnons home where a murder had taken place not two days before. He struggled to breath, to think. He couldn't clear his head. The pain was…and slowly he began to stop feeling the pain. Slowly he went numb and his eyelids grew heavy and began to close. He briefly thought of Sam, prayed his partner was okay. He didn't hear anything only silence. Until he heard a laugh. A sweet, carefree mischievous laugh that never failed to make him smile; his favourite sound of all. And all he saw was her smiling face in his mind, the last thing before darkness took him over and his body gave in.

Another man lay in the doorway of the bedroom his body lifeless on the ground, his blank eyes, open and glassy, staring vacantly at the ceiling. The gun that had been in his hand lay several feet from his body that had fallen to the ground and hadn't moved since. One shot, straight to the forehead. One shot. To his four.

One other man lay outside, at the back of the house face down on the grass, unmoving. The back of his head red with blood. A shovel not more than a metre away.

The screeching of tires could be heard as nine men in black slammed the door of an already moving van shut that disappeared down the street. They'd only lost one. They'd expected to lose more.

**There you have it…..chapter 10.**

** PLEASE REVIEWWWW!**

**It will only take a second and thank you so much to everyone who has taken the time to send me one so far…muchly appreciated! **

**Thanks,**

**Nina xx**


	11. Chapter 11

**Can love really conquer all?**

**Chapter 11**

When Deeks' walked into the room Kensi froze in her spot at the sight of his expression.

Something was wrong.

She had heard his phone ring from upstairs only a moment ago and now she held her partner's troubled gaze that bored into her,

"Deeks?" she asked lightly hoping not to startle him in his shocked state. The man, however, seemed to shake it off before looking back to her and the look of sympathy that wasn't quite pity overwhelmed her and quite frankly...scared her,

"Deeks" she repeated more firmly and finally her partner answered her and in doing so caused her throat to constrict so tightly that she thought she was going to suffocate and her heart to drop into her stomach causing a powerful tidal wave of nausea to wash over her body and the world to spin slightly.

"Callen was shot at the victims house. Sam was knocked out with a shovel, but they think he's okay" a hand on her arm forced her back into reality and Deeks' took the evidence bag from her hands laying it down on the table before her threaded his fingers into her and gently led her from the room.

Thirty minutes later they arrived at the hospital and both ignored the security officer who yelled his indignation at Deeks' parking spot which was directly in front of the hospital's entrance. Kensi and Deeks' had driven in silence to the hospital both lost in their own thoughts.

"G Callen, Sam Hanna" Kensi asked the receptionist at the desk who began typing in the computer once she surveyed the two breathy figures before her,

"Mr Callen is in surgery and Mr Hanna is having scans done, you will have to wait to see them both" unfortunately for the woman, absently chewing a large wad of bubble gum, she hadn't given an answer that was enough to satisfy either agent,

"How are they though?" Deeks' asked impatiently both wanting to know exactly how his team mates and friends were as well as wanting to offer Kensi anything that would even remotely give her some bit of comfort,

"Uh I'm not sure of their latest status I'll get the doctor out to speak with you" Kensi glared at the woman for a moment until Deeks gently nudged her to the side,

"Get the doctor out fast...please" he added on the end before he and Kensi slumped down into two seats not far from the door,

They sat for at least half an hour barely moving. The others had joined them at some point and Deeks had briefly acknowledged them before casting a worried glance towards his partner. Kensi sat rigid in the chair beside him her arms folded tightly over her chest as if protecting herself from something and her brow was creased as it had been since he'd walked into that room in the house they'd been in.

The investigation was on temporary hold and Deeks had heard Hetty speaking on the phone to the director various times in the last twenty or so minutes. He wasn't sure about what; the agents or the case. Nate had walked in only to sit on the other side of Kensi and he had seen the man watching her just as closely as he had. He could practically hear his partner thinking and could only imagine the thoughts that were running through her head.

And when Kensi Blye stood up abruptly and walked from the room without a word their eyes followed her until she disappeared from the room. Before he knew what he was doing he was on his feet ready to follow after his partner,

"Mr Deeks" Deeks turned back to see Hetty stand behind him,

"Allow me" he frowned for a second..she was his partner. He wanted to know how she was doing, if she was okay. That was his job. But the look Hetty sent towards him had him sitting back down in the uncomfortable plastic chair as he watched the small woman follow the path Kensi had just left.

**Short chapter I know but I just wanted to get something out there and I haven't decided how hurt Callen should be yet :) **

**Hope you like it and pretty please review!**

**Thanks so much to Louise for your review :)**

**Nina xx**


	12. Chapter 12

**Can love really conquer all?**

**Chapter 12**

"It doesn't make sense Hetty" Kensi said quietly and the older woman nodded looking out on the hospital grounds.

"Life rarely does my dear" she had found Kensi sitting on a wall to the left of the hospital entrance. She had drawn her knees up to her chest and her head rested against them while her arms surrounded them. She could see the sad and confused expression on the young agents face as she stepped out of the hospital and slowly walked towards her before taking a seat next to her. It was several minutes before she spoke,

"I...I told him that it was okay, I told him that it wasn't his fault and that he had no reason to feel guilty. I...I gave him space, I'm giving him...how much space does he need? And now he's...here and the last thing I said to him was about the case. The case, I mean how pathetic is that. How did we get here" it was rare for Kensi Blye to open up, to anybody. Hetty supposed that Callen and Kensi had both become a little better in that skill that they had both lacked before being with each other. She had watched them grow together, watched them learn how to properly open their hearts to another person and entrust themselves with them. Perhaps it came easier to them because they already had trust within the other, trust, faith and love. But ever the romantic Hetty had quietly rejoiced in the fact that her two solitary agents had finally found somebody who could love them for them.

"Mr Callen is still grieving Ms Blye just as you were with Jack" Kensi nodded,

"I know...but...why didn't he bring her up then? Why did he...?" Kensi shook her head, she was confused and tired. She was tired of being confused. Kensi had spent the last days, alone in bed, going over and over the unanswered questions and she wasn't any closer to an answer.

"That I cannot answer, it is for the two of you to discuss"

"I'm trying Hetty, he doesn't want to talk about it. About her. Not with me anyway" she said quietly and then looked to Hetty,

"You knew, Sam knew, Nate probably knows, everyone knew...but I never...why didn't I ever know?" she asked her forehead beginning to ache from all the frowning she'd been doing,

"It was before you joined us and ops. One of Mr Callen's old partners from the FBI went looking for him, they had trouble with an old case and they wanted his help. We found out then. Mr Callen indeed didn't want to speak about it then either" Kensi looked up,

"But you got him too" she surmised watching Hetty,

"It was a dark time in Mr Callen's life Ms Blye, one that he wishes to leave behind. However I am not saying that you do not deserve to know. I am simply requesting that you give him the time and support that he needs to be able to get through this" Kensi nodded,

"I plan to Hetty, he did the same for me with Jack" Hetty stood once again ready to go back inside but looked towards Kensi before doing so,

"Ms Blye, Mr Callen has never been able to let go of Ms Reynolds death. He has held on to the loss and the guilt and blame that he felt. Much the same as you did when you lost Jack. However if anyone can help him let go, I believe it would be you Kensi. You can do that so be patient and you'll see that it will all work out in the end, it always does" Kensi was thrown momentarily at Hetty's use of her first name – it was a rare occurrence and something that told Kensi that the wise woman truly believed her own words. Hetty didn't give Kensi the chance to respond disappearing back inside the hospital leaving Kensi to ponder of her words.

She didn't know how long she ended up sitting out there. She didn't see the families, relatives and hospital staff bustling around, she didn't feel the light rain begin to fall and it wasn't until Deeks sat down beside her that her mind was dragged back into the present. He didn't ask her how she was or what she was feeling, he knew her better than that and didn't need to. Instead he cut straight to the chase,

"He's okay Kens" he said gently and her gaze snapped to his,

"The doctor just came out said that they removed all the bullets and that he's going to be alright" Kensi let a shuddering breath escape her lips as she felt relief spread through her body,

"Sam?" she asked,

"He's awake and fine, already demanding to see Callen" she smiled briefly,

"Do you want to come and see him" for a second she sat, giving herself a moment to process Deeks' words and all that had happened before she looked to her partner and nodded. She took the hand he extended to her and he pulled her up off the wall. They walked inside together and Kensi didn't see any of the team in the waiting room. She followed Deeks down through double doors and down a hall until they were outside a blue curtain. Deeks pulled it back and Kensi stepped inside. She sucked in a breath and she took him in.

"I'll be outside okay" Deeks said quietly and she looked at him for a minute,

"He's okay" her partner promised before she nodded and he closed the curtain again. She'd never seen him so pale. The sight of him there with white skin that seemed almost transparent against the white sterile sheets shook her. His eyes were closed and she hated that fact. She loved his eyes. The spark that she could always find in them. Of danger, mischief, laughter. Now there was nothing, no blue, no spark. Tubes and cords wound their way around his body. Under his nose and she could hear the oxygen being pumped into his body.

Kensi sighed feeling her eyes sting and a wave of regret wash over her body. She lifted the chair in the corner of the room and pulled it closer to his bed. She leant over him and ran her thumb across his forehead and down his cheek before she lay a gentle kiss on his lips,

"I'm sorry G, I'm so sorry"

**Chapter 12 :) Hope you liked it, I know it's not much but there'll be more next chapter,**

**Let me know what you think if you've got a sec :)**

**Thanks, **

**Nina xo**


	13. Chapter 13

**Can love really conquer all?**

**Chapter 13:**

"You're stupid you know that?" Sam said as he leant on the doorframe after entering Kensi's house with the key that she'd given him almost a year ago.

Callen looked up from the cupboard with a dark glare,

"Don't want to hear it Sam" he said breathily while trying not to wince as he reached for a coffee mug,

"Really really stupid" his partner repeated and Callen sighed leaning backwards with no mug in hand. He glared at the shelf a foot above his head and not for the first time cursed the four new holes in his body.

Sam crossed the room and pulled out two cups,

"Go sit down before you hurt yourself even more" Sam said and something in Callen's chest, that wasn't the stitches twinged, at the unsubtle double meaning behind Sam's words.

It wasn't until his partner sat at the other side of the table and fixed him with an unforgiving glare that he went to speak again. Callen, however, cut him off before he could,

"Yeah I'm stupid I know" he said and Sam raised an eyebrow,

"What are you doing G?"

Callen just let his head fall backwards trying to ignore the loud thumping inside it.

"I don't know"

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

"Sam called you didn't he?" Deeks froze in his spot at her voice before sighing and moving to sit next to her on the cliff that overlooked the ocean,

"You're lucky I don't mind heights" he said peering over the edge,

"You weren't going to jump were you?"

"Ok, ok sorry bad joke" Deeks amended with a laugh when Kensi sent him a cold glare,

"I don't want to talk about it Deeks"

"You guys were okay when you left the hospital" Deeks said and Kensi nodded drawing in a deep breath of fresh salty air.

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Kensi had sat by Callen's side for three days. Three days straight. She had staunchly refused to leave when the doctor had informed her that visiting hours were over, when Sam had told her that Callen would want her to look after herself, she hadn't even left when Hetty had told her that she would be suspended from duty. To their credit the team had been there most of the time as well; Sam mostly and Deeks not only to see how his team leader was coming along but to keep a close eye on his own partner. Meanwhile the pair were covering for their missing agents, working the next case.

Kensi had hardly said a word to anyone about anything. Callen had been moved from the ICU that night and the agents had each let out their own labored breaths of relief as they were told that he was out of the woods, for the most part. He still hadn't woken though, his vitals had held well, constant much like Callen wasn't but could be when it counted, but the longer he stayed asleep the more worried Kensi grew. Deeks had practically had to force her to simply excuse herself to the bathroom to change clothes and freshen up. She was scared; that they knew.

She herself made the revelation while clutching the porcelain sink in the small bathroom, her stomach flipping. She was scared out of her mind. The others knew, they had known before Kensi had, they knew that she was worried that if she turned away for just a second he might slip through their fingers. And she wasn't willing to let that happen.

Thankfully the senior agent had decided that two days were long enough to miss and he had finally awoken almost exactly forty-eight hours after he had been wheeled out of surgery almost as white as the sterile sheets he lay on. For the remaining twenty four hours he had drifted in and out of consciousness and yet had managed to somehow get himself discharged from the hospital in that time.

Kensi had smirked and stubbornly pointed to the wheelchair that the team leader had regarded with such dislike. He should have known that the last time he had forced her into one of them to leave the hospital, after forcing her to go there in the first place, would come back to bite him. And so Kensi had wheeled an uncomfortable G Callen out of the hospital one with a smirk, one with a grimace not to mention four new bullet holes that marked his body.

Several hours later Sam had left them tucked up on the couch together pushing Kensi back down, when she tried to untangle herself from his partner, before taking the dishes from her himself. She thanked him before letting her head rest back on Callens good shoulder who pressed a gentle kiss to her head. When Sam moseyed back into the room several minutes later picking up his bag he headed for home and they knew that for at least that night Sam would be with his wife and kids.

The seas stayed calm at least for the most part, both relishing in the feel of the other beside them. They had sat together, mostly in silence, allowing the events of the past days to finally sink in. Both agents knew how close they could have been to losing everything. Before and after the shooting. And they both knew that it was something they certainly didn't want to lose; they didn't want to lose them.

Perhaps however it had been the calm before the storm. The hours on the couch together were a safe ground, the comfort and warmth emitting from the other had blinded them from what was to come. Because no matter what they couldn't take it back. A can of worms had been opened and it hadn't even been turned upside down yet.

They had gone to bed that night, hand in hand, and wrapped themselves around each other. Her leg was pulled up around his hips while their legs were intertwined. On their sides because her head caused too much weight on his chest that was still healing. Their heads lay only inches away from each other and they could feel the others hot breath. Their hands locked together and Kensi could feel Callens' steady pulse beneath her fingers. Occasionally they would move slightly and their lips would meet and they would both be relaxed by the comfort and affection. The night was long and silent but their eyes were connected. Kensi traced his jaw and his hand caressed her hip.

There was love and relief but there was also a fear. In the back of their minds of what was to come, of what was yet to be said.

It was the next morning, not one day later that the pair began to feel somewhat suffocated by the elephant in the room they had so far avoided. They wanted it to be okay. A shooting, such a close call, a survival should have fixed everything. It would make sense that they now wanted nothing more than to be together. But their nightmares raged on and while Kensi dreamed of the man beside her hitting the ground, Calllen dreamed of Lisa. He saw her hit the ground with a deafening thud, he watched her face turn blue when she couldn't force air back into her collapsing lungs. In his dreams he watched his wife die. Again and again.

Kensi paused outside the bedroom. Callen had wordlessly left her several minutes ago after they had eaten breakfast in silence to get dressed. She knew that they had to talk and the tension was beginning to suffocate her. They couldn't go for much longer before everything came out. Walking into the room Kensi sighed inaudibly. She stopped her eyes taking in Callen who was awkwardly reaching around to his back to change one of his dressings. She sighed moving towards him.

"G" she whispered but he refused to look up. After hesitating for only a second Kensi moved forward once again and reached for the new dressing on the bed beside him. He extended his hand out to grab hold of it but she shook her head moving behind him.

"Kensi" Callen said causing her to pause. Something had changed and she knew it. To start with the fact that he rarely used her full name these days and add in the tone of his voice that greatly unsettled her she pulled back. She had, however, known G Callen for a long time. And she knew that if she withdrew now she would lose him forever. She knew that when G Callen pushed they had to push back harder. It was a philosophy that Sam and her and even Deeks had used time and time again mostly when Callen had been embarking on one of his lone-wolf, misguided missions.

"Just let me help you" she said quietly and they both knew that her one statement was bursting with meaning that did not just refer to the injuries that littered his body. She smoothly placed the clean dressing on his side before he could answer her and moved to his front picking up a second one. This time however as she crouched before him to place it on his stomach his hand caught her wrist. It wasn't a tight grip but enough to stop her from proceeding. She raised her eyes until hers met his and she was momentarily taken aback by the fire she found in the blue that normally calmed her so.

"I don't need your help" he said and while his voice was a whisper the conviction in them felt like he had yelled loudly at her,

"Too bad" she responded stubbornly her own eyes lighting up with the fight that she knew was ahead. But he surprised her once again and instead of getting angry he seemed to slump where he sat,

"Stop it Kensi" his voice was tired now,

"Leave me along, I don't need your help" she rolled her eyes. He might not be angry but his insistence to push her as far away as he could was fuelling hers.

"I'm not leaving Callen. You need to understand that. I'm here whether you want me to be or not right now, I'm here and we will get through this. We've been here before, we can do this"

"It's not the same" his voice was deadly calm and it almost shook her,

"G"

"It's different" he said with no room for argument the anger sparking once again,

"Jack is alive. He is alive and you are alive. She's dead Kensi, she's gone and I'm.." his voice faded and she could hear the hopelessness consume him mixing with the fury like water and oil. She felt a flash of pain at the mention of her ex-fiance's name but it quickly faded as she focused on the man before her,

"G" her hand raised to caress his jaw but he pulled back as if he had been burned,

"It's different Kensi, different than what it was like with you. Jack just couldn't be with you, he just didn't want to be with you" Callen said and Kensi pulled back from him her chest constricting,

"Callen this isn't about Jack this is about you and m-"

"Yes it is!" Callen said his voice rising,

"You keep telling me that you know what I'm feeling, that you know what I went through. It's different Kensi. Lisa was ripped away from me, she _couldn't _be with me. Jack just didn't _want_ to be with you. He didn't want you and I don't want your help so just leave me alone" His words this time were met with silence as Kensi struggled to rope in her emotions. She knew it was the anger talking but he had spent so long telling her that her and Jack hadn't been her fault, that she wasn't to blame. Had he been lying the whole time?

"G just let me-"

"NO" he yelled and his voice did echo off the walls in the room this time,

"I DON'T WANT YOU'RE HELP, I'M FINE I DON'T NEED YOU" All of a sudden it was too much. She couldn't breathe; it felt as if he had slapped her across the face. Her legs shaky, she stood up and stepped away from him, her eyes blazing.

"You know what Callen I know you don't mean that and if you want to land yourself back in hospital fine. I'm going, I've got work to do" she said quickly before turning on her heel and leaving the room before he could speak. She stalked through the house grabbing her keys and her phone before slamming the front door closed behind her.

Kensi cried with frustration and cursed her shaking hands as she tried to force her key into the ignition of the car. Finally she hit the accelerator and backed out of her driveway before speeding away from her house. She only lasted several more blocks before she swerved to the footpath and hit the break coming to a sharp stop. Forcing herself to take deep breaths she felt her eyes well and her hands gripped the wheel as she refused to let them fall.

_HE JUST DIDN'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU_

_I DON'T NEED YOU._

She picked up her phone as she blinked her tears away feeling the panic overwhelming her. She couldn't go back, she wouldn't, but he couldn't be alone. She knew that. And she did care. Even if she knew that it would be easier if she didn't.

He picked up on the third ring

"Kens?" he asked almost unsurely,

"Sam come baby sit your partner" she said but she quickly hung up when the man began to question her. She didn't want questions. At least not one that she didn't have answers for.

Kensi sighed as her throat constricted with her chest and she struggled to breathe as the silence overwhelmed her. Silence had surrounded them for the most part since Callen had come home. It was a silence filled with only things that were necessary to say. A thanks for dinner, a suggestion to go to bed or to get up. In fact the longest either had spoken since Sam had left was when Callen had received a call from Hetty who had been checking up on him. Now as she sat in her car, the early morning sun still working to light up the city, she let herself slump forward until her head rested against the steering wheel and the only thing she could hear was her own laboured breathing.

She hated silence.

**Hey guys, I'm backkkkk!**

**Just wanted to say that I'm sorry I've been away for so long, I won't go into details but just want to say thank you to everyone who has stuck with me and for some of the absolutely lovely and inspiring reviews and messages I have been sent. They have really made a world of difference lately guys.**

**Thanks xx**

**p.s. a review would be much appreciated, do you guys still want me to continue this one?**


	14. Chapter 14

**Can love really conquer all?**

**Chapter 14**

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><p><em>They say the saddest thing in the world is loving someone who doesn't love you.<em>

Marty Deeks couldn't decide if he was uncomfortable or not. He hated silence, he always had; it wasn't something he dealt well with, or let last for long. So the fact that the silence had been ongoing for almost twenty minutes should have put him on edge. Deeks leant back against the seat his eyes focused ahead on the traffic lights, waiting for them to change. He had managed to get Kensi off the rocks and into his car and if it had been any other day he would have teased her for complying with something that he had suggested, but it wasn't any other day. Letting his gaze quickly move to his left he took in his partner. Her head lay against the window of his car while her legs were stretched out and her hands lay listlessly in her lap. Her eyes were closed and he was almost thankful that he couldn't see the hurt and pain that had been swirling in them when he had found her that morning. They had sat there, on the cliff for several hours, and all jokes aside he was worried for her, for her, for Callen and for the team. He also knew that he was out of his depth, while he knew his partner, back to front and inside out there were certain things he just wasn't born to deal with and Marty Deeks found that he didn't have the words or wisdom that Kensi needed in that moment, that Kensi deserved. And so he had done what any good partner would have and buckled her into his passenger seat before driving her back to ops, only stopping once for doughnuts. A small fleeting smile played on her lips as he placed the large box on her lap and the sight had warmed him for a moment, knowing that she was still there, his kick ass partner Kensi Blye.

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><p>"Thank you Mr Deeks" the detective only nodded to the operations manager once before turning back to Kensi who nodded several times after meeting his eyes from the chair she was now sitting in. A china mug brimming of hot tea was placed in front of her, made as if Hetty had known she would be getting visitors,<p>

"Thanks Deeks" she said quietly and he quickly squeezed her shoulder before throwing her a smile and turning on the heel to move out of the room.

"Ms Blye" Kensi hesitantly shifted her gaze forward so that she could peer over the desk and meet the concerned eyes of Henrietta Lange. After several moments she began to squirm a little feeling nothing but the intensity of her stare.

"I gather things did not stay peaceful with Mr Callen once you both returned home" she surmised and Kensi frowned and swallowed the lump in her throat before she shook her head unable to deny the reality,

"It was okay for a while but there's only so long you can ignore it" Hetty nodded while Kensi forced a smile on her face and shrugged her shoulders,

"I think that is something Mr Callen has been doing for a number of years" she said and Kensi drew her knees up to her chest on the chair, curling into herself as she looked at Hetty,

"Ignoring it I mean, everything that happened six years ago. Mr Callen has never dealt with what happened and now he is finding that he must, now that he is with you"

"And he doesn't want to" Kensi finished,

"We all have skeletons Ms Blye, one's that we do not wish to think about or discuss" Kensi nodded at Hetty's words,

"I know but it's not like I can just ignore everything that's happened and we can move on"

"Of course you can't, things will change at least for a while" at Hetty's words Kensi's eyes dropped and she studied her fingernails for several minutes,

"Will they ever go back, to how they were?" Kensi asked quietly,

"Only time will tell Kensi, however, Mr Callen will move on from this, he will heal and he will get stronger again, you both will"

"I just …I don't know what to do now" the junior agent said allowing her gaze to flick back up,

"I tried to get him to talk, I tried letting him be, giving him space, I don't…I just don't know what's best for him right now" she admitted, haphazardly sticking the words together. Hetty nodded and it was at that moment that footsteps from behind Kensi interrupted them both,

"Oh sorry I'll come bac-"

"Mr Getz" Nate turned at Hetty's words moving back towards the two women until he stood next to Kensi. The psychologist quickly picked up on the woman's body language as he looked down at her and she offered him a slight smile as he placed a hand on her shoulder gently,

"Mr Getz since you are about to head to lunch I believe Ms Blye could accompany you. I'll have the pastrami and salad sandwich from that new bistro down the road" Hetty said and both Nate and Kensi raised their eyebrows as Hetty stood from her chair. Sighing tiredly Kensi smiled at the hand Nate offered her and allowed him to pull her out of the chair before leading her away from Hetty's desk.

"Since when do we get lunch breaks" Nate just shrugged at Kensi's question a smile on his face,

"As long as I'm far away from these psych reports I'm absolutely fine" he said and Kensi smiled as they headed out of the building.

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><p>"So how much do you know?" Nate asked leaning back in the booth as Kensi finished recalling the events of the morning. It hadn't taken Nate long to question her demeanor, although she had to give him credit for at least waiting until they had found and entered the café Hetty had knew Nate knew the whole story, everything that had happened, he had to he was the psychologist after all,<p>

She hesitated though, at his question, wondering how much she did know. Hell, days ago she knew nothing. Blissful ignorance. She fiddled with her sleeves feeling emotion swirl within her and then cursed it for doing so,

"Kensi" Nate prompted softly and she smiled shaking her head. Nate quickly stood and moved around the other side of the table until he was sitting beside her. She was looking down picking at her nails that had already taken a beating that day. He moved her hands away from each other, trying to make sure he didn't lose her before she clammed up completely. He had gained enough experience in counseling Kensi Blye to know that while she never ever backed down from a fight she was quick and clever at squeezing her way out of conversations.

"I just….. I hate this Nate. I hate it" she said looking up at him and he could easily find the pain in her mismatched eyes mixed together with the fear and the doubt and the devastation he was expecting to see. She didn't want another failed relationship. Not like this. Not with Callen. But before Nate could reply she surprised him by continuing without so much as a prompt or a question.

"I just wonder if it would have been better not to get together" she said her words quickly but quietly flowing from her mouth,

"Do you really believe that Kens? Do you regret getting together with Callen" she shook her head immediately,

"No I don't…I ….love him Nate..I.I love him. I love Callen but I feel like I kind of don't know him and I thought I did" she said and Nate tried immensely hard to maintain focus on the conversation and not smile or let out a victory cheer as he witnessed Kensi Blye use the words 'I feel'.

"You feel betrayed?" It was a question and a statement all at once and Kensi frowned at it, wanting to reject it, wanting to deny it.

"It sounds …terrible when you say that but,….I don't feel betrayed I just… I've known G for a long time and now we're ….us and I just can't believe that I didn't know, you know I …we've been through a lot in the past months and he's found out so much about me, he knows…." She shrugged as she struggled to get her point across and while Nate knew what the agent was trying to say he let her fight with her mind and attempt to make sense of her thoughts,

"I feel like I've…..Nate there's just this little part of me that thinks that I've just done it again, I feel…stupid. Humiliated?"

"Done what again Kens?" he asked,

"I don't know …just I don't know Nate, I don't know what I'm saying or what I'm thinking" the words came out almost quietly hysterical and Kensi ran her hands over her face before leaning forward on the table,

"Do you think maybe you're scared Kens?" he asked quietly hoping, more than anything, that his psychologisty sentence wouldn't scare her off. He watched her shoulders tense and she didn't turn to look at him instead she was silent for several moments,

"I haven't felt like this for a long time Nate" her words were whispered and he almost had to lean forward to catch her words over the noise in the small café,

"When was the last time y-" she did look at him this time, almost glaring, causing him stop mid sentence and answer his own question,

"Jack" he said and she sent him a look that expressed her distaste with his obvious question,

"He said to me that I couldn't understand because Jack's still alive and that he just didn't want to be with me, not that he couldn't be with me, so it's different" Nate cringed at the words he knew that the senior agent of the team never would have meant, never would have directed to Kensi.

"Kens Callen deals with emotion about as well as you do" she glared at him outright this time and he just threw her a small smile before continuing,

"I know he wouldn't have meant it. And I hate comparing situations because both of them are horrible and terrible and both of them caused you and Callen hurt and I hate that for the two of you" the sincerity in Nate's words caused Kensi to smile slightly as the man beside her spoke. It was one thing that she had always loved about Nate, he wasn't one who just analysed people's situations he felt them, he personally felt them and while it wasn't always a great thing for him she had always admired his ability to do that, his empathy for others. His love for people and his outrage at injustice.

"Kens I hope you know by now that Jack didn't not want to be with you. I hope you can remember everything that Callen told you when you guys were starting out, everything that we've been through. You know that you and Jack didn't end because he didn't love you or because he didn't want to be with you. Jack was hurt and he was sick, you got hurt and he needed some help just like most do coming back from war. In a way he couldn't be with you either Kensi, he didn't know how to anymore" she nodded at his words,

"I know I …It's not even really about him I just…I don't know how to reach Callen, I don't know how to help him and he was so naturally good at it when I was feeling bad about Jack but I can't do the same thing for some reason, I'm not good at fixing relationships Nate. I can't get through to him Nate no matter what I try. He avoids me, he gets angry he just won't let me past that wall. And it scares me because I didn't even know there was a wall a few days ago. It makes me think that I don't know him as well as I think. That we're not as close as I think we are. Maybe I'm just…reading into it too much"

"Kensi he loves you, Kens" she looked up at him and his eyes met her,

"Callen loves you. I promise you that and you are close and you guys will get through this but it will be tough" she nodded,

"So what do I do? Can you just tell me what to do?" she said and he smiled,

"Kens, you have to know that Callen hasn't dealt with this, at all" she nodded remembering the raw emotion that she had witnessed when they had spoken several nights ago,

"As far as I know when Lisa died, Callen hunted down the people who did it, quit his job and left the country. I don't know where he went. Gibbs was the one who found him, brought him home and you know that he joined NCIS after that. But he never dealt with her death Kensi, or his sadness or anger or anything" she nodded as Nate spoke focusing on him as he told her the story she didn't know, the one she wanted to know,

"There's still a part of me that just can't believe he was married" Kensi said and Nate nodded understandably,

"How did you guys find out?" she asked before picking up her coffee and taking a large sip, crinkling her nose when she realised it had gone cold. After quickly turning to one of the staff and requesting two more and brushing off Kensi's grateful smile he answered her,

"Probably about a year before you joined NCIS a guy from the FBI was murdered, high up. Turns out that he was Callen's superior on the op" Kensi gulped as she began to understand the implications of what Nate was saying,

"Did they suspect..?" her words trailed off and Nate nodded,

"Another agent from the bureau said that Callen might have finally acted on a vendetta he had with him. Callen had made some none too friendly remarks to the man after the case"

"How did he?"

"An old case caught up with him, turned out to be dodgy. NCIS proved it wasn't Callen within two days but the questions were already there"

"And he told you?" she asked,

"He got angry and disappeared for a while and got a huge lecture from Sam when he turned up again until he told him" Kensi nodded,

"That's what he does when I try and talk to him, he runs or he gets angry and runs" she said,

"We never really got through to him, he let Sam in but I don't think they really talked much either. It was let go" Kensi nodded,

"What if I can't let it go?" she said after a moment,

"You're not expected to Kens. This is something that affects the both of you and you're going to have to work on it together" she didn't reply this time only picked up the new coffee that was placed in front of her and tuned out as Nate ordered Hetty's sandwich,

"He's scared Kens" Nate said earnestly once the young waitress moved away from their table. She looked up at Nate,

"He's scared, of losing you, like Lisa. Of hurting like that again. Just like you're scared to lose him" she nodded,

"You're both just going to have to fight that urge to walk away and not risk it Kensi, you're better together, I think it's worth it"

"Me too Nate, me too"

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><p><strong>Hope you guys liked it, hope it wasn't to …nothingish…there's more coming though promise<strong>

**Thankyou so much to everyone who has reviewed for this story so far I read them tonight about an hour ago now and decided that I had to write some more and update for you guys : )! So I hope you like it and hope I've edited it alright**

**Thankyou and please review**

**Nina xx**


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